Ok

I give up!! I can’t get you outta my head. I’m gonna blame this on Kylie, but whatever. I just can’t. I love you.

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It’s over…

I was in love with a friend of mine. I never told him about it. I don’t know if he knows about it… I think I made everything clear, I did everything I could except telling him. I know that would have been the ideal situation, but I was so scared, I wasn’t brave enough.
But this time, I’m sure of what I want. I’m gonna be free of these feelings, I’m giving everything I can to do it. It hurts. It hurts a lot. I’ve been in love, suffered because of it, but the feelings went away with time. Now I just can’t put up with this anymore and let time do its job, I’m the one to do it because I can’t suffer because of this any longer.
He didn’t do anything wrong… I just noticed he doesn’t care about me the way I wanted him to do. It’s not his fault, it’s entirely mine. So what, it still hurts a lot and I wanna be free to fall in love with someone else again. So I’m throwing those feelings away.

But the point is… Why does it hurt so much to do it? Why is there a part of me not wanting to give up on him? Is it because I just have this need to be in love with someone? Or is it because it’s simply very hard to give it away like this? Or.. Is this even possible?

I don’t know yet… But I know it’s over, don’t know how I’m gonna do it, but it’s gonna happen. I promise myself.

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Sem título

Faz um tempinho que não me dá vontade de escrever… Na verdade, eu não sou uma pessoa da escrita. Gosto de ler, de falar, conversar, cantar, apreciar, mas escrever não é lá uma grande necessidade… Mas é uma necessidade que aparece raramente, mas quando aparece, é uma daquelas que não pode ser adiada. Não consigo substituir por nada, e às vezes nem tenho muito o que falar, que é o caso agora.

Ultimamente venho tendo problemas pra dormir, o que é normal, é uma coisa que eu sempre tive, desde pequeno. Deito na cama e o sono não vem, fico pensando mil coisas, revivendo outras, fazendo planos, vivendo situações imaginárias, etc. Eu mesmo me faço companhia na cama, fico dialogando comigo mesmo dentro da minha cabeça. Mas sabe aquelas épocas em que a gente fica de saco cheio da gente mesmo? Acho que é isso que eu tô sentindo, preciso de férias do Leonardo, do leohamasaki, de mim. O que eu posso fazer? Talvez eu precise de um amor, mas minhas tentativas mais que frustradas no universo das relações amorosas me deixaram totalmente desesperançoso nesse sentido.

E para piorar tudo, já faz um bom tempo que estou completamente apaixonado por uma pessoa, e ele não percebe… Ou percebe e não quer nada. E na verdade sei que ninguém é obrigado a perceber nada, sei que eu deveria ir atrás, me fazer perceber e tudo mais, mas esse é um problema que eu tenho… Não gosto de pensar na possibilidade de ser rejeitado. Já sou velho pra isso, mas é algo que ainda não aprendi a lidar. Um dia ainda vou quebrar a cara por causa disso, mas eu realmente não sei como proceder. O Vic sempre me dizia que eu estava esperando meu príncipe encantado, e isso já deve fazer uns 4, 5 anos, vem da época em que a gente conversava praticamente todos os dias e praticamente sobre todos os assuntos. E eu acho que até hoje eu tô esperando. Não acho, eu tenho certeza. Até hoje eu deito a cabeça na cama e me pergunto quando é que ele vai chegar. Como e quando eu vou parar com isso eu não sei, mas sei que preciso, é uma urgência. Essa pessoa da qual eu gosto não é uma que parece que vá tomar alguma atitude algum dia, então vou ficar esperando até quando para fazer alguma coisa? Também não sei.

A minha vida anda tão sem rumo que eu ando me sentindo muito perdido mesmo. Talvez seja essa a razão de eu não querer me fazer companhia mais. Mas vou ter que aprender a lidar comigo mesmo, a olhar para dentro de mim, reconhecer tudo aquilo que preciso e ir atrás. Até porque príncipes encantados em cavalos brancos não existem. E não estou somente falando dos príncipes que me satisfarão amorosamente, mas aquele emprego, aquela oportunidade, aquele curso. A metáfora serve para tudo.

[Talvez o post tenha soado bastante desconexo, mas é porque o escrevi enquanto conversava com dois amigos muito importante, talvez os dois mais importantes da minha vida atualmente.]

 

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What I love (and hate) about Caitlyn

I’m a very active player on League of Legends, and when Caitlyn was announced I was very excited to play with her. I loved her design and the idea of bringing a Sheriff to the League was great and could bring something new. When I saw her rifle, I already imagined that she’d be somewhat like Ashe, so I started saving my IP to buy new runes (since I had only one runebook ready, one of magicpen/cooldown reduction). I got another one with armorpen/mana regen, and when she was released I bought the bundle, since the skins were really nice too.

For my first game, everything was simply awesome, she was great in mid and I could own everyone, mostly because people didn’t really know her abilities. Playing some more, I could notice that she’s a very limited character and can’t really do much to kill someone. From her 4 abilities, only two actually hit to hurt the enemy and can’t really be used in a solo fight: her Q is good to farm and hurt enemies in the laning phase, but there’s a charging time that doesn’t benefit much in direct fights; her R/ultimate has an enormous range, but the channeling time again doesn’t give you any benefit to use in 1×1 fights, it’s only good to use it on enemies that are running away. Her W can trap and reveal an enemy, and it’s good to put in some places like bushes and Baron/Dragon. People aren’t even afraid of Caitlyn anymore, they know she can’t really do much except knock back with her E ability when they’re chasing her.

One good thing about her is that she has a great range, so I abuse that early game to harass enemies, and I love laning with her because she can trigger the passive easier in the bushes. But that kills the possibility of a gank there, so it may not be a good choice depending on your teammate. The range is what I like best about her.

Caitlyn’s totally based on auto-attacks on teamfights, paying attention to that enemy that’s running away with low health, so that she can use her ultimate. The problem is that most of the time someone in the middle will intercept the shot for them. More damage for the team anyway. I always build her with Infinity Edge, Bloodthirster and Last Whisperer, in this order, and almost always get the Berserker’s Greaves after getting at least one item from Infinity Edge. As Caitlyn is an auto-attack based champion, IE is always a must.

What pisses me off the most is her ultimate. Although the range is great, the damage is not something to brag about, since it’s very weak, and can’t really hurt an enemy with a good defense. Other than that, Pantheon’s passive can block that, and Vladmir’s pool can dodge it. It’s sooo irritating when that happens!

But anyway, Caitlyn’s a very fun champion to play with. Although she can’t dive head-on in a teamfight, with the right build she can always be of a great help. I just make sure to focus the squishy enemies first, the critical damage and her passive can REALLY hurt them.

For next time, I’ll talk about Cassiopeia, one of my favorite champions, but also very underrated, although I admit she’s UP nowadays.

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Why I am tired of animes and mangas

Everyone that knows me knows that I’m a big fan of anime and mangas in general, but lately they’ve been turning me off to the point of me not reading as many mangas as I’ve used to or watch animes at all(the only one I’m following is HeartCatch PreCure, for two reasons: 1 – it’s my favorite anime; 2 – I’ve been watching this series since it started early 2010, I wouldn’t stop 5 episodes to the end).

The first thing is that I’m not really patient anymore to watch things. When I’m bored or it’s not surprising me anymore, I just stop it and go do something else. This doesn’t only happen with animes, but with series and TV shows in general, although I barely watch TV. That being said, another thing I can barely stand is the sense of deja-vu I get when watching 99% of the animes. There are some scenes or cliches that are always repeated and I just can’t stand them anymore. I’ll talk about them a little.

I hate the harem scenario. It’s so stupid seeing lots of girls around a boy that has nothing special (and always looks the same), but ends up changing the life of the girls around him. Some of them (rarely) have something peculiar about them, but it always ends up irritating me. Air is an anime that I love, but has this problem that I just can’t overlook. I had the same problem with Kanon, but I was way more irritated by the protagonist (to the point of not being able to even watch it until the end) and his private harem, him doing everything to solve the problem of each girl while being a total idiot in his daily life.

I hate the typical shonen protagonist. They always have something in common: they would do anything to protect their friends, even getting to unbearable levels of mental problems. I know it’s a beautiful thing in theory, but I simply can’t stand it anymore. I’m tired of it. I’m also tired of them always having a girl that is so in love with them that they would do anything for them. Some of them have personalities and I really like them (like Keiko from YuYu Hakusho), but most are just there to fill the role of the stupid romantic girl.

I hate the over-romantic shoujo protagonists. I know shoujo protagonists are very diverse, but this type of girl that lives for finding a boyfriend and devoting her life completely to him is totally out of my league, I can’t stand their stories. A good example would be Karen, from the manga Kare First Love, one of the most stupid female protagonists I’ve ever seen. I know lots of women like this in real life, and I have nothing against them, but I’m just not interested to follow stories with characters like this.

Fanservice. One of these days I was reading an anime blog and I saw a picture of a girl falling from the sky, and can you guess where did she fall? Upon a boy, of course! And evoking sexual positions, obviously. I’m tired of big boobs being shown in unrealistic ways, of clothes being ripped off, and lots of other obvious things that don’t really need to be mentioned. That being said, I was a big fan of Queen’s Blade, because I actually like the story and the depth of the characters, but that’s another thing I can’t stand anymore, simply because of the in-your-face fanservice. I haven’t even watched the OVAs, and I was so excited for them…

Tsundere characters. Boring, boring, boring.

I guess that’s it… There are some other things that are actually pulling me off from the otaku world, but those are the main ones. If you have an anime that doesn’t have any of those things to suggest to me, please do and I’ll check it out (if I haven’t watched it yet, of course). And don’t consider those things within the mahou shoujo genre, it’s my favorite and I’m completely biased to it.

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My view on Britney Spears

I’ve always been a fan of pop music, I grew up with the Spice Girls and Madonna. When I was a teenager, Britney appeared and her music didn’t stop playing on MTV. I really liked Baby One More Time, but I never imagined she’d get this far, and with the huge popularity she has nowadays. Since the start of her carreer, she released some great songs, while others were bland and some others were horrible, but in general she constructed a very solid discography, with a nice videography to go with it.

Britney was never a favorite of mine, but I always enjoyed her music a lot. When she released In The Zone, a new Britney was born: provocative, sexy, and the best thing: trying to gain control over her carreer and show her own creativity, composing songs and participating in the production of the tracks. This is what I like the most about an artist, the envolvement with his/her own art. It was really nice to see her creating, doing concepts for her videos, even directing one of them; it was as if we could see more of her.

Nowadays, she’s just another person releasing good songs to me. I don’t see any involvement, any dedication, any talent. I see overproduced songs, with the best producers of our times, doing awesome beats while she goes on studio, sings a little and gets her voice completely changed with tons of effects. Her performances are on the boring side, because her dancing abilities are not what they used to be, and she doesn’t sing live with absolutely no reason for lipsynching, since it’s completely possible to do both at the same time because there’s no wild coreography going on anymore (to prove my point, just watch any performance of the japanese singer Namie Amuro or even Koda Kumi).

I see nothing wrong with being the way Britney is, simply because there are lots of people that enjoy her music and her carreer the way it is now. It just doesn’t get me into her that much. Her most recent song, Hold it Against Me, is an awesome tune, very Ke$haesque, something that will definetely be on replay on my iPod. And people seem to love it too, so it’s probably gonna be a huge hit. Although I stand by everything I said before, she deserves the title of Pop Princess because of everything she achieved so far.

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Trying something new…

It’s been a while since I practiced my english. After finishing college, I’ve never practiced my writing, except in forums or online games. So I’ll try blogging in english, at least for a little while, and that way I think my messages can be seen and read by more people. That’s a way for me to see if I can express myself in another language. I’m graduated in english, but it’s been two years since I didn’t study a thing, so I must do something about it.

I won’t abandon my other blog, Viva Forever. It’s something more personal, that I only talk about my own feelings about some stuff that move me in some way. Here I wanna talk about games I play, songs, artists, movies, animes and mangas I like, books I read and stuff like that.

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